I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
