He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize