i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
