theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pole danced in your parka.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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