she looked like the bat from fern gully.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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