i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
