It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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