similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
