I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just cropdusted the office
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
