i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
