Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
