I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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