so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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