Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
