I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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