I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
