She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
