I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
