It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
