apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
