The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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