I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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