oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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