Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
