Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
