i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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