this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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