I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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