Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize