She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
