I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
