I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
