I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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