"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.