I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.