I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?