Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
