This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?