UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.