There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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