True but thats because hes a fetus.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
