i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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