Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just threw up on my dentist
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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