Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize