Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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