I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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