woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
