guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
