Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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