I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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