it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
whose ass print is on the piano?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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