i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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