I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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