This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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