M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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