First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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