don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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