Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
