Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
