If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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