Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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