ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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