Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
