I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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