I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
