was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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