He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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