The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Of course I have a pirate flag
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
