a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
